I haven’t cried this hard in a while

so, there was a moment i have been scared of since i first found out i was pregnant with twins, the moment where both boys desperately need me at the same time and i just can’t be there for both.  don’t get me wrong, they have definitely cried at the same time, and been fussy at the same time, and held their hands out for me to hold them at the same time.  my heart hurts each and every time.  but what just happened was on a completely different level.

logan woke up screaming.  now usually lucas will sleep right through it, and vice versa, but not this time.  to say they both started screaming would be an understatement.  they were both wailing in agony, hyperventilating, crying so hard they were making themselves gag.  for the first time i truly had no idea what to do.  i would pick up one and try and comfort them, while listening to the other one shriek.  i was hysterical, seriously.  i had a complete breakdown.  finally i realized that i could hold logan sitting on the floor, and reach through lucas’ crib and rub his back.  little by little they started to calm down.  so far, in all of the tough moments of being a mother of twins, this one has taken the cake.  

and now somebody is crying again.  oh dear lord please let this nightmare be over.